


I'm Not Over

by bigenderbabe



Series: Coming To Terms- The Collection [1]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: M/M, fresh start!, lil bits of flirting and stuff i guess, meet cute, not as shippy as it could be, pretty canon compliant, vague song fic but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-11
Updated: 2017-08-11
Packaged: 2018-12-14 00:03:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11771253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigenderbabe/pseuds/bigenderbabe
Summary: "I, uh,” Connor started, looking down at the ground, “I wanted to apologize for this morning,” There was only a tiny bit of remorse in his voice, it was obvious he didn’t do this often.“Oh, thanks,” Evan said, dumbfounded. He was unsure why he wanted to apologize to him. Well, heknewwhat he wanted to apologize about, but he wasn’t quite sure what had compelled him to do so.





	I'm Not Over

**Author's Note:**

> hello friends! if this chapter seems familiar, you probably read it in my original fic, titled "coming to terms", but i'm restarting and reverting to my original format for this universe/collection of fics. there's a bunch of changes so i suggest rereading if you read the original. Anyway, it's 1 am as i write this so i apologize if anythings a mess. 
> 
> also idk if anyone's gonna read this part but!! the whole premise of this if you're unfamiliar is that i got the ideas to a lot of these pieces from songs on an album called "Coming To Terms" by Carolina Liar (hence the series name) and each title of a work corresponds with a song from the album. 
> 
> —follow me on tumblr!! @whjzzer

_Dear Evan Hansen,_  
_Today wasn’t a good day and here’s why. Today wasn't the start to a good week, a good year or a good anything....._

Evan had just put the finishing touches on his daily therapy letter when he heard the door to the computer lab open. He kept his eyes glued to his screen, silently hoping whoever it was would sit down quickly so he could walk to the printer without making uncomfortable eye contact with them. He clicked print and heard the printer turn on a few feet away. The footsteps stopped, so Evan assumed it was safe to get up and get his letter. He turned around to find Connor Murphy standing about a foot away from him, looking mildly uncomfortable. Evan jumped slightly, making a surprised noise to pair with it. He almost overlooked the fact that Connor was holding the god forsaken therapy letter in his hand in his pure shock.

“I, uh,” Connor started, looking down at the ground, “I wanted to apologize for this morning,” There was only a tiny bit of remorse in his voice, it was obvious he didn’t do this often.

“Oh, thanks,” Evan said, dumbfounded. He was unsure why he wanted to apologize to him. Well, he _knew_ what he wanted to apologize about, but he wasn’t quite sure what had compelled him to do so. 

Connor had pushed him in the hall this morning. Jared made an idiotic comment about Connor looking like a school shooter and Evan accidentally breathed too loud, making it sound like he was laughing. Classic Evan, being in the wrong place, at the wrong time, doing the wrong thing. He hadn’t wanted to hurt Connor, he didn’t even find Jared’s joke funny in the slightest. He actually felt kinda bad for him, but that was encompassed by Evans fear of him. 

Let’s face it, Evan’s scared of pretty much everyone, excluding his mom because she’s cool. But his fear of Connor Murphy was slightly more prominent. I mean, he did have a pretty terrifying exterior, but maybe he was different under the emo façade?

“Yeah, I was in a mood,” Connor laughed slightly, it didn’t sound like a genuine laugh, just one of those laughs you do when you’re uncomfortable and trying to diffuse tension in a conversation. 

Evan nodded. He wasn’t sure what to do. What does he say in this situation? This moment definitely did not come to mind during his normal anxiety wracked thinking. 

“Um, a-apology accepted,” Evan said, cheeks turning a bit red, “it didn’t hurt that bad, you didn’t need to apologize,” He tried to speak calmly, but that last part came out rushed and it strung together, like that phrase was actually just one word.

“Woah, Hansen, slow down,” Connor said abruptly, his voice becoming slightly more annoyed. 

“Sorry,” Evan looked to the ground, his hand rubbing nervously on the back of his neck. Oh, God, I already messed this up. Why do I do this to myself?

“Well, uh, anyway. What happened to your arm?” Connor motioned to Evan’s pristine white cast after a beat of silence. No one had signed it yet. That’s what you get for not talking to anyone, Evan thought to himself. 

“I, um, I fell out of a tree,” If it was possible for Evan’s face to get anymore red, He would have looked like one of those strawberry candies you find in a candy dish at your grandma’s house. 

Connor laughed loudly, “That’s the stupidest fuckin’ thing I’ve ever heard,”

Evan’s hands were beginning to get uncontrollably sweaty, his stomach twisted into at least ten knots after the taller boy spoke. Connor Murphy’s making fun of me oh God oh noohnohonhonhohnoohnohn-

Evan’s train of self loathing was cut off my Connor’s voice, “Can I sign it?” 

Evan looked up at him, He had never noticed how nice Connor’s eyes were, or the slightest bit of eyeliner he wears, or how soft his skin loo- 

Woah there Evan, you might need to slow down. Answer his question first, have the sexuality crisis later. 

“Huh?” Evan was confused, why did Connor want to sign his cast? Even Jared didn’t want to sign his cast and he was Evan’s family friend. 

“Your cast. Can I sign it?” Connor reiterated, in a slightly more hostile voice. 

Evan shuddered slightly at Connor’s tons of voice before responding, “Y-yeah, sure,” He reached into the pocket of his khakis to try and find the sharpie his mom made him bring. 

“I got it,” Connor said, stopping the other boy. Connor had somehow managed to produce a sharpie in a matter of seconds and was now beckoning for Evan’s casted arm. When his arm was in close enough proximity, Connor grabbed Evan’s fingers and pulled slightly.

“Ow,” Evan mumbled as a reflex, stumbling forward so his feet were nearly toe to toe with Connor’s. The sound of the marker running over the hard material made him cringe. He had to hold his body back from physically cringing as well, he didn’t want Connor to mess up because he would get mad at Evan and he didn’t seem that bad in a one on one conversation but what if Evan ruins it all by being stupid and, oh God.  
Connor was standing so close to him. He smelled a bit like apples, which was almost masked by the stench of weed that seem to follow this guy everywhere. 

“Done, now we can pretend that we have friends,” Connor said, after a few moments. He was smiling slightly, just a tiny upturn at corner of his mouth. Evan found it almost endearing. “Sorry its so big,”

Evan then glanced down at his cast and huffed out a small laugh. Connor had written his name in all caps spanning the entire length of his arm. “Not like anyone else was gonna sign it anyway” Evan replied.

“Oh, almost forgot about this,” Connor glanced down at the paper in his hand, slightly wrinkled from the cast signing, “I saw your name on it and figured it was yours.” He handed it to Evan, but not before looking it over. His eyes widened as he read a random section.

Evan’s heart sank. Connor had seen that he had mentioned him in the letter. He’s gonna think he’s a stalker, a freak. The pit of Evan’s stomach and twisted and contorted as Connor thrust the letter at his chest. 

“Because there's Zoe.” Connor read, his face falling for half a second before resuming its usual angry expression. He turned on his heel and started to walk briskly out of the computer lab. 

In a moment of sudden bravery, Evan reaches forward and grabs the sleeve of Connor’s sweatshirt. This was going so well, of course my weird therapy letter has to ruin everything. 

Connor turned on his heel to stare Evan directly in the eyes, “What do you want? You want some material to use in your diary entry about how fucking crazy Connor Murphy is? Why were you even writing about my sister anyway? Because you knew I'd find it and freak out! Of course!" Connor's face had gone red, he let out a strained laugh as he attempted to hold back the wave of anger building up inside of him. 

Evan swallowed roughly. He’s in deep shit now. “N-no, it’s a letter that my, uh, t-therapist makes me write to gain more confidence, maybe overcome my anxiety?” Evan had dropped his hand from Connor’s sleeve and was now pulling at the hem of the polo shirt he was wearing. He wasn’t looking at Connor. “I’m, um, supposed to write about why it’s going to be a good day. But it’s never a good day, is it?” Evan laughed, uncomfortably, still focusing his eyes on the ground. “I-I mentioned Zoe because I admire here, I guess? I mean, she's popular and seems so put together and so many people like her and i guess I'dliketobeherfriend?” Evan took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. He was beginning to panic because he just confessed his entire inner monologue to Connor, showing off how lonely and weird he was? Idolizing a junior? And admitting it to her brother? What kind of freak is Evan?

“T-that was really weird, I-I'm sorry. I’m gonna go now,” Evan’s got redder and redder for every beat of silence from Connor, for every beat he’s standing there waiting for a reply that will probably never come. He tries to move around the other boy but Connor extended a hand and pulled Evan back. The hand moved to Evan’s chin and angled it upwards, sighing slightly. 

"It's a good thing you're cute," A look of slight pity crossed Connor's face, but in his eyes Evan could see the a look of loneliness as well. 

Evan pulled himself out of his day dream about Connor's eyes because Wait, did Connor Murphy just call me cute? 

Connor let go of his face after that and reached into the pocket of his jeans. He pulled out a crumpled sticky note and quickly scribbled something onto it with the sharpie he had used to sign Evan’s cast. He dropped the note into one of Evan’s hands.

“You better use this so I don’t feel stupid,” and with that Connor exited the computer lab, with Evan staring dumbfounded after him. “See ya later, Hansen.” Connor called as he pushed open the doors at the front of the room. 

“Bye, Connor,” Evan reply in a small voice as he smoothed out the sticky note. It contained a series of digits he could only assume were Connor’s number. 

_Dear Evan Hansen,_  
_Scratch that last letter. Today’s going to be a good day because I’ve made a friend._


End file.
